


Combative

by rudbeckia



Series: Random Worlds [9]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Insults, unlucky Mitaka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-12-09 18:56:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11675094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Hux and Ren throwing insults at one another.There is a reason...With many, many thanks tothis reference material.





	Combative

“You,” Ren pointed accusingly, “are a pharple-brained excuse for an officer. You act like you’ve been with a rakghoul!”

“At least I’m not a rongboar-suckling mynock!” Hux pointed back at Ren, a scowl wrinkling his brow.

“Whatever. You act like you’re the Force’s gift to leadership,” replied Ren with hardly a pause, “but you’re just a creeping cthon-spawn who can’t find his arse with both hands.” 

“At least I’m not a quivering streak of rancor-cum like you!” Hux reddened. “You’re as welcome as a dweebit in an escape pod!”

Ren was glad of his helmet at that insult. He bit his lip to prevent the snort that would have meant he’d lost. “You are a ginger-headed jakrab with the intellect of a particularly inbred kalak!” 

“I hardly think,” Hux sneered at the black-robed subject of his insults, “that a mumbling, bucket-headed fool like yourself is fit to speak on behalf of the First Order! Take it OFF!”

“Is that so?” Ren pulled off his helmet and shook out his hair. “You think that a clapper-mouthed nerfherder like _you_ would be a better spokesperson?”

“Yes I would!” Hux bristled at the combative look in Ren’s ugly face. “Any potential recruits would run from your pustulant, rancid bantha-breath. There’s no way I am allowing you to address the new recruits.” 

“Fine!” Ren actually growled. “Have it your way, you wampa-waddling piss-pool of a nerf—“

“Ha!” Hux gave the air a triumphant punch. “You used _nerf_ —related insults twice. I win!” Hux smiled serenely. “I look forward to seeing you up on that stage in front of all the fresh faces of the new cadets.”

“Sithdamnit, Hux! You should do it.” Ren resorted to compliments. “You’re used to this shit. I mean, you look the part and you give twice-daily pep talks, and when you can you do it _live_ for fun! And you’re good at it!”

“Nice try,” Hux retorted, rebuffing the flattery. “A bet’s a bet, Ren. You have to give the First Order Academy commencement speech this year, and I get to go on leave for the weekend.”

“Or,” Ren looked conspiratorial. “What if _someone else_ were to be persuaded that it was such a _great honour_ to be asked to speak about the greatness of the First Order to a couple hundred teenagers? Then we could both have a long weekend on the bea— training dutifully.”

“Oh?” Hux cocked his head. “Who did you have in mind? Phasma already told me to fuck off.”

The door to the observation lounge slid open and Mitaka walked in to give a report about recent pirate activity in the inner rim. Or something like that. Neither Hux nor Ren were really paying attention. He left and returned to his station, feeling like a nerf-calf in the gaze of a pair of manka cats. 

Hux turned his smile on Ren.  
“You know, every once in a while, you do have a good idea.”

Ren smiled back.  
“I hear Scarif’s nice.”


End file.
